Day 635 – Zombie Candy, Spam and Hookahs

I am kind of weird. No, really, I am serious. I really am weird. Why do you keep arguing with me! Just take my word for it, I am super fucking weird. Okay, you want proof? Here:

Happy? Now you have awesome proof that I am not only weird, but that I like to play with not only my food, but my candy as well. I just can’t help myself, I like being an incredible dork (in this instance, the word incredible is not an adjective acting on the word “dork” to describe the level of dorkness; it is instead acting on me, I am both incredible and a dork).

Anyway, I digress. I want to show you all something awesome. I have four different blogs, and what is great about having all these blogs, is all the spam comments. Usually they are just annoying advertisements for porn and viagra. Really, they are all for that, however from time to time you get one that does this in an interesting and fun way. So here we are, this is my favorite spam comment yet:

Isn’t that just happy as fuck!?! I have never gotten one phrased like this. Usually when you get these comments they say something like, “Click here to purchase inexpensive Viagra!” But this one is so awesome. Just so polite and stuff. I would liken it to a religious solicitor coming to my door and saying, “hi, I really like the color you’ve painted your house. I am hoping to paint our church soon, you know, the church of [insert favorite religious organization here], and think that this color would really work for us.” It just really makes me happy, I have to say.

I do have a few complaints about the spam stuff though. Because, let’s be honest, who in the hell actually falls for this kind of advertising. Even ninety year old men with Alzheimer’s disease wouldn’t fall for this shit. Who was the genius who came up with spam as a form of advertising? Sure, it worked for I think the first six months of the internet. But the net has been around for a good long time now and we’ve caught on to the wiles of Mr. Spam. I think it is time to kill that as an advertising scheme, it just doesn’t work anymore.

Sorry to go off on a rant like that, but I saw that comment and thought it was both the most hilarious and the most annoying thing in the world. It is kind of like Jim Carey. Ohhh, that was mean, wasn’t it. I bet a few of you got offended on that one, well guess what? You’re only upset because you know I’m right. Mr. Carey can play some pretty awesome characters, and he can play them quite well. When he plays these characters, he is absolutely hilarious. But then he plays the Grinch and makes you want to stab your eyes out and put M-80′s in your hears so you never have to see or hear that fucking movie again.

Phew. Okay, I think all the hate may be out of my system now. Though one can never be too sure on things of this natures. I mean, come one, we all know that fear leads to anger, and anger leads to hate, and hate leads to drinking a lot of beer and then getting in a fight with your best friend only to buy him another beer after you are done beating the shit out of each other…wait…that’s only if you’re Irish.

I have a feeling that this whole post today is just going to be me bagging on stuff beause it annoys or pisses me off. Prepare for another example!

I saw a guy sitting in a bus station in front of the dorms yesterday. I was on my way to the store, I needed to pick up a connector for my Mac to hook it up to my 42 inch TV…but it didn’t work ’cause it is a festering bag of cunts and I’m just going to tell it to go eat a dick since it is such a mother fucker. Sorry, there I go again, right in the middle of a story, getting all side tracked and talking about things that have nothing to do with the story at all. Kind of like the dad in the movie Big Fish. He doesn’t tell the stories straight though, that would be boring. Instead he takes little paths that branch off of the main story. A lot like a river, you may have little tributaries that come in from other places to feed the main river. It really makes the river more interesting because of all the places the water came from. Okay now that I have gone off on another path for a long time just to make this little joke, I will get back to the main story. So there was a guy sitting in a bus station in front of the Wallace dorms yesterday. He looked like your typical college student, and for sure he was mostly normal. Or at least that was what I would have thought.

The gentleman in question was wearing a pretty normal tee shirt. I do recall him wearing shorts. I did not see what was protecting his feet from the dangers one might find on the sidewalks, or the stickiness of a bus floor. His hair was a little wild, but let us be honest here, that is pretty standard for a male in college. What was weird about this good sir, was that he was smoking a hookah in the bus stop. Really? You’re going to sit in the bus stop and smoke a hookah? I don’t have anything else I can say about it. I just am completely speechless. A hookah. In a bus stop. Why? That is one step more lame than those guys who know two chords on their guitar so they sit under a tree on the admin lawn and play. I…I just…I just don’t know.

By the way, this is the only thing that has ever looked cool while smoking a hookah.